Hopefully, you have taken on board WHAT you need to do in order to get the relationship you crave. You should now understand that it’s really only your own behaviour that you can change but that in doing so you can entice your other-half into positive action himself. This is so much better than forcing him into a corner 🙂
So, now for the hows…
1.Have you heard the old saying ‘keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll keep getting what you’re getting?’ Well that is where changing your own behaviour comes in. So change whatever you have done to date that has not persuaded your man that he needs to change. One really important change you can make is to understand that negative thinking will pull you down. You may believe you have every reason to think negatively and I am sure you do but it ain’t the path to happiness.
If you continue to think negatively you will get negativity back. So, for example, on gloomy Sunday mornings get up a bit earlier and cook breakfast for yourself first. Make sure you have thought about this and have something yummy in the fridge. Eat it and enjoy it with a really great cup of coffee/tea. And while you are eating it think thoughts of how worth it you are!
2.Replace the nagging with polite requests which are written down; men respond to this approach much better. And by nagging I mean anything where you have repeatedly asked or told him to do something. Don’t be unreasonable with your list, so don’t set him up for failure by making it too long or asking him to do too many things you know he hates.
When he completes a task on your list, thank him. Leave him a little saucy note…he’ll start to get the message! It might irk you to begin with, ‘who thanks me for everything I do’ you may be thinking but eventually if you lead by example you will get some positive feedback too.
3.By taking responsibility for your own finances you will start to see yourself as an independent woman. So, if you are not working and your kids are at school, get a job. Any job that will fit in with your children is great. Lots of supermarkets have flexible working hours and schools are also good places to work.
If you are working but put all your salary into the joint account open your own account and start saving. Get advice from your bank about the best account for you. It doesn’t matter how small this sum is, just do it regularly and it will mount up and you will feel more financially savvy.
4.Listen, a low paid job is better than no job at all but if you have been in a low paid job for a while it is time to up your game. Gather the evidence that shows your worth to the company you work for and state your case for promotion to your boss. If s/he agrees, that’s great but if they don’t you will still have your evidence and you can take this elsewhere. The experience gained by talking to your boss will help when you attend interviews.
If you need further education to climb your career ladder then now has never been a better time to get it. You don’t even have to leave your home. There are millions of courses on-line that will get you where you need to be. Go and research them, choose one and get on with it!
5.If you are fed up seeing your other-half in his tracky bottoms then you will understand that seeing you in yours ain’t all that either. So smarten up your act. Get your hair cut well, wear clothes that suit your body shape, paint your nails, wear make-up and smell nice! It’s not rocket science but it could just boost your sex life to stratospheric levels 😉
6.Okay, so when it comes to getting men to do what you want them to do you need to make a list and or ask them. Men are no good at knowing what you want from them. They cannot do any form of mind-reading no matter how many years they have known you. So, when you want them to put the rubbish out, say so!
7.Making a list of the things you would like to do with your other-half will create a more positive mindset. Rather than thinking of all the things you no longer do together start thinking about the things you can do. If you have children, think of ways that they can be occupied while you and your other-half have some time to yourselves.
Not spending time together will have distanced you so don’t organise a weekend away for your first get-together because you are likely to be disappointed. Start with some cosy nights in and work up. Initially, it may feel strange to both of you but if there is something worth salvaging in your relationship it will soon become obvious what it is.
8.If you can work out what you can tolerate when it comes to your other-half’s interests this will give you more leverage when it comes to him doing the same for you. So stop ridiculing his love of collecting power-tools or his passion for football and accept them. Where possible show an interest and this will convert into respect for each other.
Belittling your man’s interests is demeaning to him and won’t get you the man you want. But that doesn’t mean you have to listen to him going on and on and on. When you have heard enough just say ‘that’s brilliant darling’, give him a kiss and go do something else.
9.Go out with your friends and show your independence. Of course make sure that your other-half is okay with being in that night if you have children. Explain to him the difference it will make to you and to your relationship with him if you get away from being mum a couple of times a week.
This will feel good and it will boost your self-esteem. Your other-half will understandably feel on edge at letting you out of his sight looking so good and this can only be a positive thing especially in terms of spicing up your relationship.
10.Give and take…important in all relationships! Not surprisingly in order to get you need to give and if you have to be the one to kick this off then so be it. Lead by example and ignore the voice inside your head saying ‘why is it ALWAYS me?’ Whatever you have tried before, this is a new approach and should be tackled with a happy and generous heart. Anything else will be seen for what it is and your attempts at improving your relationship will be worthless.
If your man is decent and hard-working but has just lost his way to knowing how to be YOUR man then show him. Do it confidently but do it LOVINGLY. This is not about rubbing his face in it, it’s about making your Sunday mornings a time to linger in bed a little longer because you LOVE your man and he LOVES you back.
I really hope this helps and I would love to hear from you if you have anything you would like to share. Here is a cheat-sheet to help you stay on target to getting the relationship you crave.